Reply To: Rejection from yeshivos/school for no tuition

Gavra:

I am raising awareness of a problem of yechidim. It merits exposure because the number of yechidim has grown significantly, and is no longer something that one can dismiss as “Whoops, lost one.” It is not about whether one has consulted the checkbook before embarking on raising a family. Assume that this has already been done, and the child was born into a financially stable situation. But times have changed. There was an economic earthquake in which many lost their jobs, income, savings, etc. There is a growing rate of divorce, with deadbeat dads defaulting on their responsibilities, as you aptly noted from the Gemora as well as Shulchan Aruch (Even Ho’ezer 71) that admonishes the father who refuses to support his children. Trouble is that the mothers are then held responsible for their ex’s arrears, and this punishes the child, who is innocent. Of course, they have recourse through batei din (the men rarely comply with hazmonos or with piskei din), or with secular court (which takes many months, sometimes years). Your argument is usually not relevant.

You raised a valid point, about the mothers engaging in some form of service to help the school. This can include raising funds, but can also include other forms of service. Sadly, this is the exception. School offices that get into this pattern of financial bullying will generally want cold, hard cash, not the assignment to coordinate the bake sale or other event. Additionally, the way that the administrators or “tuition committees” approach the challenge tends to be confrontational or oppositional to the mothers who are doing their best. Result is that the mothers have no basis to motivate them to help. I know of cases where mothers have volunteered, only to be rejected and told that they need only cash. Not a bad idea, Gavra, but less useful than it should be.