@keep climbing
Yes, its very hard to say certain thoughts. And the worst part is that you know theyre unhealthy and self destructive but you feel you cant say it. Its a tough decision. But as hard as it is, its worth it in the long run. You want to have healthy relationships one day and in order to do that you need to help yourself now and learn to accept yourself. I would recommend practicing getting your thoughts and feelings out by writing them down. That will get it out of your system. More than anything, you need to believe that you can overcome this. Please tell your therapist everything! Its for you! Maybe before each session decide what youre going to say so you dont feel like youre divulging everything at once. I sympathize with you because I also go to a therapist and I know how hard it is to spill it all out. But theres such a feeling of relief afterwards… please do it. I know that youre capable of it. Please keep me updated.