When ppl ask me what kind of boy i’m looking for, I groan inside cuz I’ve grown so tired of the reactions I get when I tell ppl that I’m looking for a learner-earner…
some examples of what i’m dealing with: (these are ACTUAL responses that i got!!)
“really? so interesting… I really have a much easier time picturing you with a serious learner”
“what? why? you want him to work from day ONE?? your parents can’t even give you one penny???”
“oh… so you want someone that can really learn and is working… so we have to find you an older bachur!”
“so, what if your parents suddenly found a way to support… would you change your mind?”
So now this is confusing! see, ppl *assume* that I am (what squeak refers to as) an “elite”, but I actually want to have divrei torah AND food when I’m sitting at my shabbos table, and I can’t see myself being a functional wife and mother if we’re living on one income and it’s all coming from me!! so I am actually a “working girl” cuz i’m looking for a learner-earner, and so I suddenly fall into the “non-elite” category and people can’t come to terms with it! I believe that there must be men out there that can and do learn on an elite level, are ovdei Hashem, have yiras shomayim, are baal midos, have a rebbi they are close to, etc… but people perceive them as “non-elite” because they ALSO want to have food on their table (and a table for their food, and an apartment for their table etc…) and recognize that a good, functioning wife and mother can’t have the sole responsibility of parnassa!!
So I was thrilled to see Adam’s post!! I’m happy that guys like you do exist!!! Maybe one day I’ll actually meet one…