oomis, I dont mean to be offensive but your retorts sound like a kid complaining about how unfair and cliquey of her classmates are. Whether its subjective or objective, right or wrong, fair or no, it is the way it is. The cool kids are the cool kids, and the elites are elite. Accept it or find a way to fix it. “
I am not complaining about how unfair ANYTHING is. I don’t believe that it is axiomatic that a boy learning all day is better than one who learns part of the day and works (or is being educated towards a parnassah) the rest of the day. I would argue that it is VERY elite nowadays to be a boy who does it all. It is snobbish to believe that a boy sitting in the Beis Nedrash all day, is finer (read: therefore more desirable as a shidduch) than one who manages to earn AND learn. BTW, there is a difference in meaning between being elite and being “elitist.” The latter is not always a flattering description.
And Squeak, anything that is “the way it is” and probably should not be, because it is hurting a significant segment of a society, ultimately needs to be changed in SOME manner. Otherwise our country leaders would be elected solely by men, some of us would still be picking cotton in the South, and Kollel boys would not have the luxury of learning all day on someone else’s cheshbon, because their wives would for the most part be home raising their children.
Lots of things are “the way” they are. That doesn’t mean they should STAY that way. There was a time when girls did not routinely attend elementary school and high school Yeshivahs, much less Seminary! My mother and my father’s sisters were the children of Rabbonim. The girls ALL attended public school. The boys went to yeshivah. Would you argue that this should have remained the status quo?
You have grown up with a certain mindset, that causes you to see things as either/or, according to what I am reading in your posts. I do not agree that the “either” OR the “or” are correct, just because they exist. However, what you choose for yourself is YOUR choice. I would just like to see more balanced choices available for frum people like yourself who DO recognize that there is chashivus to earning a living for one’s wife and children.