This doesn’t answer your question, but if it’s any comfort, IMHO how much a kid does or doesn’t listen when younger, doesn’t seem to have much bearing on how they’ll turn out later on. Seemingly defiant kids can grow up to give much nachas, & kids who seem easy & obedient… well don’t forget to daven for them too.
I know someone whose kid went off the derech, & the mother says, “I never had any bother with her…I don’t know what happened. She was always such a pleasure”.
Each is born with their own nature, & we just try our best & daven.
Seems to me, that if a kid has a tendency to defiance, it means that being obedient is difficult for him/her, & parents need to learn techniques for handling the situation.
I once heard an amazing shiur from Rav Yechiel Yakovson (chinuch expert), & he said parents should try to give kids as few orders/demands as poss, but what that they do give, they should insist on (at least one thing a day). The thrust of the whole shiur was about kids needing to be obedient for themselves, for their emotional health, not as we may mistakenly think to eg. enable smooth functioning of home…
Don’t have time to post more right now.