There are many different parenting styles. You and your spouse need to choose one that works for you.
You can make charts for listening, give allowance, have consequences, have family discussions and use active listening.
Some books that I like are Make Me Don’t Break Me, by R. Moshe Gans, Parent Effectiveness Training, by Thomas Gordon, and Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants by by Jim Fay.
Good luck, I recommend that whatever style you choose you find someone who will guide you.