obedient adjective
1.
obeying or willing to obey; complying with or submissive to authority:
<i>an obedient son.</i>
defiant
adjective
1.
characterized by defiance; boldly resistant or challenging:
<i>a defiant attitude.</i>
(dictionary.com)
what’s the issue?
The issue is that you think you have a right for your kids to be “obeying or willing to obey; complying with or submissive to authority.” You don’t.