TakenU, I’m no Rebbetzin. (Not much of a golfer either.) But I know some of the relevant sources teaching that the women’s influence on her husband’s spiritual growth, and on the general state of the marriage, is substantial. And of course I agree that they’re correct. But there’s still a lot that’s not in her hands. There are circumstances where a divorce is the best Refuah for a marriage that is causing pain to all parties involved.
Just because you’re the woman doesn’t mean you have to beat yourself up over this. The husband and wife are both responsible for making the home a safe haven, and a place of comfort, love and sippuk hanefesh for each other and for their children. I don’t know all the details, but chances are there’s no reason for you to take the whole burden of guilt on yourself.
I felt sorry to hear there’s no Rav you feel you can speak to. It can be dangerous going to the wrong therapist. A Rav can be a great support under the circumstances, and can direct you to a reputable, competent therapist who will help you to see things clearly.
Wishing you the strength to get through this difficult time and to move on to better, happier days.