Syag, Thanks for your words. What I went through isn’t post-able but irreparable just the same.
When I was still thinking about what I should do, none of the people I spoke to said “give it your all, then come back to me”. When I spoke to my rav, he said try marriage therapy to see IF there is anything left THEN decide if you will give it your all. What Lior said about giving it everything you have is wrong because if there is nothing left, you are fighting a lost battle. THAT is what bothers me. In my case, yes I left before fighting because there was nothing left. Only a therapist or very competent rav can see if there is something or nothing left to fight for.
SO LIOR, I “gave up” without trying to save the marriage. Because I saw and my support saw and my RAV saw and the THERAPIST saw there was NOTHING left. So yes, I think what you wrote is wrong. If there is nothing left to fix, there is nothing to fix