Reply To: Tears of Beis HaMikdash

Lior, you sound really naive. Either that or you’re missing the point.

“Saving the marriage” might cause more damage in the long run.

We are dealing with someone who is not always able to communicate and might show outward signs that therapy is working and everything is fine, while in reality they are dying inside and for some reason or another either deluding themselves or the other person. Or maybe even deluding themselves that they are dying inside.

Yes, it would be ideal to save the marriage. *I* think the marriage is salvageable, even though I’m not happy in it and haven’t been for a really long time. However, I am not married to myself. DH doesn’t want to be married at all. Maybe there is an underlying reason for it. We can work it out in therapy. The wrong thing to do would be to desperately try to hold the pieces together. That’s not healthy for anyone involved; not in my specific case at least.

It would be unwise to not even attempt therapy, but the question is how much to “push it”, if at all. I think I pretty much have my answer. I’ve come to terms with a lot of things via this forum and other outlets. The one thing that still remains is the guilt and spiritual ramifications.If I come to terms with that, I think things are pretty much settled.

Any further insights on guilt and spiritual ramifications would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. I was going through Gittin and interestingly enough, DH might not be able to give a get at all if he is “mentally incompetent” or in our case, clinically depressed. I didn’t study this in depth and I might have misunderstood it. But just an interesting add to the discussion.