If she was that worried about his character, why approve the shidduch, to begin with? If they are of the mindset that three to five dates confers some sort of serious commitment then surely they checked him out to death prior to the first date.
With all due respect, it is obvious you don’t know how things work for those that three to five dates is sufficient. You are using your own way of doing things as a measurement of what is normal and what isn’t, which you can’t do, since other people do things differently.
People do the best they can with checking things out, but no, it is impossible to really be able to check a person out, unless you yourself know them at best and lived with them with worst. It is irresponsible for anyone to ignore any signs of trouble, no matter how wonderful all the information about him was.
To be perfectly honest, if my daughter were to see a boy, and after the second date, decided he wants to take a trip of Israel for vacation, and didn’t have a VERY valid reason for doing so, I wouldn’t even ask anyone questions! I would not go further at all.
Which doesn’t mean that in this case, it is problematic. I just don’t see the harm in getting another person’s perspective.
If your child were seeing someone who was chronically late and didn’t even apologize? Would that concern you? Or would you think, you don’t own him and therefore you have no right to expect him to come on time?