Trust, I had written a long answer to your last post, but apparently Hashem did not want me to post it, and made my computer go weird just as I was sending it. (Emes).
So I am taking this to be that I should only deal with the one thing that I wrote at the end, and leave it at that. You asked”
“If your child were seeing someone who was chronically late and didn’t even apologize? Would that concern you? Or would you think, you don’t own him and therefore you have no right to expect him to come on time?”
This has absolutely nothing to do with the issue we have been discussing. It is apples and elephants (not even oranges). What you are describing is someone who habitually disrespects his date. has nothing to do with ownership or rights, but simple thoughtfulness and consideration. Someone who is chronically keeping someone else waiting (whether for a date, or for an appointment, or for a lunch out with a friend, and does not have the decency to show regret and apologize (at the least), demonstrates a clear disrespect for that person’s feelings and time.
A boy who is dating for a short time, has every right to go on a short vacation, without feeling obliged to get “permission” from the parents of a girl he has gone out with only a very few times (in your case you said, after two dates). And a mom who shows her pushy hand too soon in the game, and moreover, casts aspersions on the boy’s character in the process, says more about herself than about the boy in question. Should he tell this mom everytime he wants to go out with his friends, too? He went to Israel, not Las Vegas.
If the mom was worried that he might be meeting another shidduch there (I don’t believe that was mentioned, but I no longer have the column, so I cannot be sure), I would still tell her, stay cool. Don’t make mountains out of molehills. Don’t put the cart before the horse… and whatever other applicable trite expression of which I can think.
I realze that you and I might have very different concepts about shidduchim, and kol hakavod, but whether more charedi or less charedi, mothers universally need to reign themselves in before frightening prosepctive sons-in-law away and nizing their daughters’ chances for happiness, especially when we have so many single young men and women today.