Shalom C.I. Boy,
you sound like a really nice person (and not dumb at all)
Also congratulation on your cochlear implants! It must be wonderful to be able to hear! That’s really great news.
I’m very sorry to read about what you have endured. Again, you sound like you are a nice guy and you deserve to be treated with respect and fairness.
I saw an article that I found interesting on aish.com called “Scared to Make Friends”
Edited to remove link but leave info
I think you could see what you enjoy doing and then see if there are people with whom you can connect naturally. It doesn’t have to be deep friendships at first.
But I do think that you should look for quality people who have self-respect (not for some jerk (jerks don’t respect themselves))
I don’t know everything, but what I could imagine is that part of the test from Hashem (we are all tested by Hashem one way or the other) is actually for other people, how they treat you!
I think concerning your parents, parents are often worried about their children. It doesn’t mean that they are right in what they think or assume. They probably mean well. Concerning friends who are younger, I think what you could say is that when people get older those age differences diminish, if not disappear. Who knows what will happen in only 5 years, when you will be 25 and those friends 22 (or 23). That is not that large an age difference!
In general there are friendships that last a long time and there is actually no reason why you should not be friends with those guys, as long as you feel good.
Try to have a good relationship with your parents. Treat them well and with respect and thank them from time to time. I think this is important.
Concerning the test, I think there is another test, and that is how you deal with hurt,past and present. Actually, this is a test for everyone. When people hurt us we have many ways to react to this. The worst way to deal with it is to take it out on innocents (this is maybe what this guy who treated you badly went through). This is the worst reaction, and it’s completely unlogical and it doesn’t solve anything and in truth only pulls one down.
I think the task and the great chance that you have is to be a giving, honest, decent, moral person who doesn’t conduct his life according to the bad examples that he has seen but according to the morality of Hashem and who chooses(!) to live by morality and kindness to his fellow man.
This would be the greatest thing and the greatest achievement ever (and I’m serious)
Take the bad things that have happened to you and try to understand others better who may have been hurt. I’m sure you could provide a lot of Chesed to other people, especially random people.
Hashem surely loves you, that is for sure. I don’t know if my interpretation was correct. But what I’m sure of is that Hashem wants you to live a life of decency and kindness to others.
This was also one of the greats strengths of Abraham, kindness
Read books about this, maybe of the Chafetz Chaim. Also read Pirkei Avot.
Never forget that each Jew is tremendously important and that you as a person have incredible value!
Also, pray to Hashem for having true friends who like you and who will influence you in a good way in your way (be it in school, academically and Limudei Kodesh, profession,work, privately, in your family, spiritually,morally). Also, read more about the Shmona Esre and its background.
Hashem surely listens. Try also to understand what Hashem wants from you.
All the best, May Hashem bless you!
Zeev