RayOfLight – I’m an Aspie (althought that term no longer has a definition. now it’s just ASD). Used to be on the lower functioning end of what was considered aspergers, but at this point i’ve learned to function well enought to be considered (for the most part)high functioning.
I was lucky that my family was all pretty quirky and all of us kids had some sort of diagnosis (not all on the specturm, but all different). We drove each other crazy, but at least there was an understanding between us.
Parent – I’m actually not as young as you probably think. I’m an adult, and I know that once you leave the framework of school there’s alot more room to find a place where you can fit despite (and because of) all the weird quirks that go along with ASD. Problems definately don’t all disappear, but you loose alot of the feeling that you’re just not good enough for everyone, because the truth is, being an Aspie gives you alot of strenghts and advantages over many other people (I mean, who else could tell you every tiny detail connected to one particular topic other than us??)
The General Public: I didn’t share any of this with you to garner sympathy. That is the last thing I want. What I wanted you to know was our perspective on the matter, since I know that I would never be able to tell it to you in any other format but writing.
Letakein Girl – it never really occured to me that you might feel bad when I accuse you (the figurative you) of trying to fix me. But I wonder if you could see it from our perspective. Imagine that the majority of the world were on the spectrum. Imagine that in school, you were expected, in early elemntary school, to pick a topic and specialize, and that we required you to remember vast amounts of information on that topic. Imagine that what constituted socially appropriate conversation was extreme bluntness (which, incidentally would make more sense to me – why would I want to wonder what everyone really means when they talk?), and topic centered conversations. Imagine that talking about what people do was a socail no-no (incidentally, it’s also assur…). Guess what! the vast majority of you would be in special ed, while the vast majority of Aspies would be just fine. How would it feel to you when we tried to reprogram you?
We’re people too. Despite the fact that many people (I didn’t say all) seem to think (by their own statements both in writing and when they don’t realize who I am) that people on the spectrum have no feelings. Not everyone is good at expressing themselves, and that goes for people on the spectrum as well as off. That doesn’t mean we don’t feel.
I guess what it comes down to is this: I don’t want to waste my life. I like myself. I like my quirks. And I wouldn’t trade places with you for a million dollars. Hashem gave me many kochos as well as some nisyonos that the world classifies as ASD. They’re not the most usual package, but their mine, and I like them. I didn’t do anything in particular to merit them, that’s just what I came with.
But it is hard to use my kochos when it feels like there’s an invisible wall seperating me from understanding how to operate in your world. Failing over and over, and having that pointed out, ridiculed, or laughed at (even if you think it’s in a friendly way – I don’t get that unless you explain it.) just makes it harder. At this point in my life, I can accept that as an element of the nisayon I was given, and accept you as messangers to deliver that nisayon.
but when I look around and see so many people who are like me being shoved aside and hurt over and over (incidently, much more than was the case when I was younger), it hurts me, because I know what it’s like. I know that most of you don’t. Yes, there are other nisyonos that probably can leave people with a similar sense of not belonging, but the complete helplesness of not really even knowing what you did to make yourself not belong can’t possibly be so common. So often, when you’re upset at us for doing something you didn’t find appropriate, we don’t even know why you’re upsed, so we don’t know what to do with that. and even if you explain it, sometimes (read – oftentimes), your using some sort of confusing means of trying to communicate to us what we did wrong while avoiding hurting our feelings, and I at least often don’t get it. I know you mean well, but we try so hard to use your language when we talk to you, don’t you think you could reciprocated when you talk to us?
If you have anything to do with people on the spectrum, just keep in mind what it looks like from our perspective. Sometimes, looking the other way, not noticing everything we do ‘wrong’ and making a point to notice our good qualities can go a long way.