SomeoneMe2 –
I wish so much I could meet with you. Maybe you would have some information that would help me help my students!
I just have a question about what you said, if you are able to explain it. It hurts me very much (maybe it shouldn’t, but it does) when you say we don’t try, why can’t we just try. I don’t think you realize just how hard some of us try. There are so many times when my student is being unsafe but he doesn’t know it, and he is angry at me for standing in his way or depriving him of something.
There are so many times when I have to worry if the tablecloth will be just right, or the new pants I bought will fit just right because if not there will be a major meltdown and things will be thrown and broken. Of course I want so badly to make the child happy, but I also need to keep my house/class safe and the other children safe. And I need to be able to get to work on time which I can’t do if today is a day when the shoes are not tied evenly and now they are thrown across the room and the rest of the clothes follow.
I don’t know if you realize just how hard some of us try, and it’s because we care. There is a very difficult balance sometimes between giving a child what he needs, and functioning as a mom, teacher or therapist. It isn’t always possible to ‘just let him be’, but it ISN’T because we aren’t trying or because we don’t appreciate him for who he is. If a sudden noise jolts my student and it sends him into hysterics, I will hold him away from the noise even if he claws at my skin til it bleeds. Because his safety and comfort come before mine. And because I care.
I want to make his pain go away because I totally understand what those sounds may feel like. But if I have a way to make him less sensitive to those sounds so he won’t have to suffer like that every time, I will do it. And it isn’t to “fix” him. It isn’t because I don’t respect his quirks. It is because I don’t want him to suffer daily and I don’t want him to have to stay home all the time to avoid them. I want to give him some freedom from the anxiety and pain he lives with.
Which brings me to my question. When you say you try so hard to use my language when you talk to me, “don’t you think you could reciprocate when you talk to us?” What does that mean? Could you give me an example of something so I can learn it and use it in my own world? I have so many questions and would love anything that you think I could carry over to other aspies or non-verbal kids I work with.
Thanks so much for your side of things – it means so much to me.