OURtorah, I’m sorry for bashing you.
I just am saying that I felt like you were putting me in the group of ‘special needs’ kids. And I’m not that.
I don;t want to sound like I think less of special needs kids, but all my life I’ve been told by my parents and everyone else that I’m not normal, I don;t do this right, or that right. I need ‘help’ that never actually helped me, just made me feel stupid. Everytime I pass my parents in my own house, they never have had something nice to tell me (they do, sometimes, but that’s even worse since they go back a second later to bad things) like:
“I hate that shirt on you” she couldn’t say that it wasn’t her style or nothing at all. She continues “I don’t let you wear it, this is why you need help socially, you see, no one else would wear it”
The thing is, I wore it before a few times, I remember my friends liked it, it looked very nice. My mother has no idea what girls wear my age, but she twists it around so it’s my fault for not being normal.
This is 1 example how everything said to me by my mom and dad gets twisted around so essentially every time they talk to me they stick in that I’m less and not normal.
My mom has never been there emotionally, you is forever with her iphone. Even when I was little. I have memories of gan, being beaten up every day, coming home crying, my mom wouldn’t even hug a little crying 4 year old and tell her it would be okay. I had to do what teens do, go to their bed and cry in their pillow. I don;t even think my parents have ever really hugged me before when its not superficial like when I came home from summer camp, a small hug. Now when they try it, I can’t, I get angry. There is a lot more in my picture than just ASD. You are starting to get why I can’t talk to them?
They aren’t healthy…I’m seeing someone about that now, but what about everything else? I couldn’t dare trust her about it.
Don;t really get the sencory stuff, sure I figured out why since 3rd grade I could never sleep at night…it was cuz it wasn’t pitch black! Took me 7 or 8 long year of insomnia to get that. Besides that…nothing. I mean I used to be scared of balloons popping and thunder cuz it was loud, but since I became a teen…I guess I just got used to it.
Nothing else really.
I don;t expect the world to be able to get that I can only read feelings off faces, nothing else, and that’s not when you are hiding your feelings which most people above the age of 13 tend to do. Then I can’t see anything! I don’t expect the world to understand that sometimes I don’t get the jokes…
Same here, it’s annoying when people get upset and expect me to know why.
Why can’t we just TALK? Why is it a big no-no to talk?!?!?!
People who know me know I’m into this, that you can settle anything by talking. Maybe it’s cuz my parents never want to even try to discuss anything, they just scream. Maybe it’s cuz of this.
But recently one of my good friends told me something through a third party cuz she was scared of my reaction and didn’t want to tell me since it’s a no-no to talk. I got upset, this is a good friend, she knows me and how I work. She is a newer friend but I can’t understand why since I adapt to her needs that when she has a problem or something we can’t discuss it since that’s my need.
Now I can’t even talk to her about it, the third party settled it, but how do I even know that this third party wasn’t lying or something. For all I know my friend meant something different…
Since then we go on as normal…but I really wonder.
This is so weird becuase I don;t think I’m high functioning ASD, or maybe I’m one of the highest. I’ve never had to stim, I do need my alone time, but that’s something else. I’ve been told I’m a deep person and I can’t stand being around people 24/7 without being with myself…
I have a few friends like that and they do not have ASD.
It’s all so confusing!
RayOfLIght, I had to edit your post a tiny bit. I hope it didn’t affect the message too much. -127