Learner/Earners are few as DY correctly stated. And frankly, the main learner/earner (ie one who does both in a somewhat even fashion) who are serious are one’s that need money. While this is a perfectly honest and ehrliche thing to work in addition to going to yeshiva and these guys are often very nice (and great shidduchim!), it’s not like financially more savvy to date a person who is learning part time because his parents can’t afford him to be in yeshiva vs. a guy who is learning full time and has no wanting to work – b/c his parents can afford so. I say this to make a point not to c’v degrade anyone. However, it is a point that often young bochurim who are working can be working in jobs that are not that lucrative (surprise, they have no experience nor degree) – while a yungerman in Kollel with an (achveis) computer science degree might be more geared long-term vis-a-vis parnassa. Boxes are good for storing things not people.
To note, I think the main issue in shiddichim is if the pair is a good match (simple as that). But the learner/earner things needs to be taken to task. As stated, 1) the logic is not there with a learner/earner (except perhaps a few exceptions) 2) it’s frankly a made up category. Mind you, I am speaking to the under 23/24 crowd of boys. Of course, if a boy is older, then there are more boys that do both – because the type of income that comes with working part-time is worthwhile for a single bochur who is trying to start his post-bochurim life while still a bochur. If we are talking about an older girl, she should ya be looking for a learner/earner (those do exist) because a) they are working – showing often they are mature in their life b) they still connect with a makom Torah. But, again, that is by older bochurim, not under 23 ones.
So, nu, what then should a baalabusta be looking for to be her lil’ Chaney’s chosson? The thing to look at in a shidduch (for those not totally bent on learning for an extended period of time) is a Learner or Earner (copyright DQB). This means that the person is serious about learning, and is reasonable about the possibility of working – and has done or has a plan to do his hishtadlus to find gainful employment when the need arises. It’s not like you leave kollel, go to the local Forbes 500 company, and ask them to get the corner office ready for tomorrow. Of course, if one’s parents have a large business in their family ready to give a great job to Baruch the Bochur – then again what’s the nafka minah of all these cheshbonos about what Baruch wants in 2 years, 5 years. It’s naarishkeit. The normal scenario for “normal” people is that the couple should be realistic about finances and very particular about making a Torah home (to note: anecdotally, the one who want a learner/earner crowd can [notice the word can, not the word are] be girls that are not that serious about having their husband learn but do want a good shidduch).
So who is a good learner or earner?
Does he have a college degree? A plan to go to law school or college [in a serious way – not taking a few course to see what’s what]? A particular business or trade that he is very interested in to pursue if the need arises. Does he when asked seem quite in touch with the reality that Kollel life is not necessarily long-term. That learning is amazing and something he wants to be part of his life, but he’s well aware of the need that will likely arise at some point (again not up to us but up to Hashem) when he has to work – and not in an abstract sense, but he has an idea of what type of work he’d like to do. For example, if he is interested in chinuch, does he plan on being a Rebbe at a local day camp in the summer. Learn night seder at a local high school. Tutor kids to see which type he has a better ability to connect towards. Does he shmooze it up when given the opportunity with noted mechanim in the area. The boy might want to be the Rosh Yeshiva – as an aside if that puts the girl off, then it’s not a good shidduch. But he has considered work and has a serious plan. That’s like a geshmaka piece of tiramisu. Seriously who is not giving it at least one try.
Now, it could be Kollel life will be geshmakt. The young couple will thrive, the guy will get a nice position teaching in the yeshiva, the girl will be happy at a nice job, and guess what – they are learners for life. Or, Kollel life can be stressful, maybe a parent loses a job c’v or something else – so nu, the couple has a plan that both are comfortable with. That’s what’s to look for not the 219 learner/earners in actual existence of which to note 193 are over 24.
DQB