When someone is in pain and you cannot do something you feel helpless and GUILTY. So, to push away the guilt, we do something
You are right. You feel guilty when you cannot help. But ‘doing something’ doesn’t push away the guilt; it is a form of helping!
(any better say,2 months later- you are in the same place, back to square one. Maybe it will take 6 months..but ya)
There are two responses to that comment.
(a) The only reason why your Kabbalah falls out the window after 2/6 months is because you start to big. If a person takes on a madreigah which is too hard for them to commit to, then they will obviously fall – and like you said, perhaps fall lower than they were until then. But a Kabbalah doesn’t have to be something big. Don’t decide to stop speaking Loshon Horo at all, but take upon yourself not to talk Loshon Horo over the lunch table. Something small – but something that will make an infinite difference. Too many people make the mistake of accepting things that are too much. You’ve just got to find the right thing – something not too easy, but something manageable that will give you a sense of satisfaction when you do it.
(b) I mentioned before that ‘A good shmuz lasts until maa’riv’. Well; I once mentioned it to my Mashgiach – I came out of every shmuz with the intention to be a better person, to be perfect; it never lasted. He told me a story about R’ Yisroel Salanter (I think it was him; It might have been R’ Yerucham Lebovitz…) – a bochur came and told him exactly that complaint, and said that his inspiration fizzled out extremely quickly. R’ Yerucham told him that the single maariv he davened better – the whole shmuz was worth it for that.
The point was that those two months of your Kabbalah, or the six months, is not at all a waste of time; it was 2 months!