Flatbush Tragedy

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    After this tragedy I made a kabbalah on my self in a certain area of my life to become a better person. I would like to hear from other people who did the same and if they so choose to elaborate what they did.


    Does hugging your children extra count as becoming a better person?

    Shopping613 🌠

    monsey23 – Actually, although that is the most popular thing to do nowadays, the Torah prohibits making a kabalah or taking on something in the time of Tzara. I have heard this from many renown speakers, if someone could find me the exact quote and where it says so, please post.

    This is forbidden since when the feelings of wanting to do something so badly and sadness fade (which they will, be it a week or a month) so will your kabala. Okay you say, “I’ll take on a kabalah for a week, so that I won’t be mechayev” NO! If you are doing that then you are justy trying to rid yourself of guilty feelings. After a week, where have you gotten? Any closer to Hashem?

    The RIGHT way, is to look at what we are already doing and try to do harder in their memories. Let’s say we already daven shemoneh esrie, try to have more kavanah in a certain bracha. Let’s say you lost the lust to do a certain mitzvah, you are just doing it with the motions at this point. Go, try to get those feelings back.

    Once we enjoy doing what we are ALREADY doing, we will be happy, and in a better place. Once we are in that place we can take on more since we will WANT to take on more.


    I think the ???? ???? say exactly the opposite, Shopping613. The Posuk speaks about a Nozir directly after the Parsha of Soitah. The Gemara (brought down in Rashi Al HaTorah) says that ?? ????? ???? ?????? ???? ???? ?? ???? – One who sees a Sotah as she ‘explodes’ should become a Nozir and forbid himself from wine, for wine leads to immorality. The question is posed – one who sees the punishment of a ???? just witnessed an astounding open miracle where the Yad Hashem is totally recognizable. Surely that is the biggest Chizuk possible? Why would this person of all people have to make a Kabbolo on himself not to touch wine? He is at less risk than anybody else!

    The answer is given that Chizuk – ‘inspiration’ – fizzles out extremely quickly. In Yeshiva they used to say ‘A good shmuz (Mussar drosho) lasts till supper – if you’re lucky, till Ma’ariv’. The only way to channel the inspiration to making you a better person is if during the time when you are fired up, you make a ???? that you can keep, which will continue the inspiration every time you do the ????.

    There are many Raiyos to this.


    ‘A good shmuz (Mussar drosho) lasts till supper – if you’re lucky, till Ma’ariv’

    And the other way round in the winter

    Shopping613 🌠

    You are right. You need to be fired up, but in a good way- not in a bad way. In the story up above, from what I understood, he saw a miracle. So he wanted to get closer to Hashem.

    Where was the miracle in the fire? People are taking on kabalos to shut up their guilty feelings and to do something in their zechus. But this is the WRONG way! Many other things you can do in the zechus besides kabalos.

    Ture, you need to be fired up. Hey, we all know a mussar shmooze doesn’ fire you up. You need to fire YOURSELF up, the shmooz may or may not start the flame, but you gotta keep it burning.

    You have to be in a good place to take on a kabalah, afterwords when it fades, you just feel even worse. I beleive last weeks Mishpacha TeenPages also addressed this.

    I know there is a source for this and it makes sense. Ask around.


    The point in my case was that a person who is fired up – he just witnessed a gilui Hashem (Revelation of G-d) – must make some sort of ???? to anchor that inspiration.

    The first reaction to every tragedy – especially the ones that effect somebody you know personally, somebody you know well – is inspiration. You want to be a better person. Yes, it isn’t a happy-fuzzy good feeling; it’s a sad feeling of incompetence. But in order for inspiration to mean anything in the future, you need a ????.

    There is a famous moshol – There was a man stuck in the top floor of a skyscraper for hours, and he had no phone. Nobody knew he was up there. He some coins out the window, hoping somebody would see them and look up. People walked past, bent down to pick up the coins, continued walking. He threw out a $10 bill. Somebody walked past, picked it up and smiled, and continued walking. He tried a $50 bill – nobody looked up. Eventually, he grabbed a large vase, and threw it out the window. Suddenly, everybody looked up to see where it came from.

    The nimshal is pretty obvious. All our lives, HKB”H showers us with perfect lives; happiness, parnassah, family, friends. If we don’t ‘look up’ to see where they come from, He smashes a vase. Then we realize where everything comes from. Sometimes we need that reminder.

    After every tragedy, if you look at it in the right way, you will be on a spiritual high. Like a said; not in a happy way, but it is a brutal reminder to How the World Works. HKB”H is suddenly back in your conscious mind. In order to keep that going long term, you must attempt to anchor it.

    Trust 789

    People are taking on kabalos to shut up their guilty feelingseople are taking on kabalos to shut up their guilty feelings

    What is there for people to feel guilty about?

    Shopping613 🌠

    Trsut 789 AND yekke2- being Jews we all feel for each other. We feel the pain. When someone is in pain and you cannot do something you feel helpless and GUILTY. So, to push away the guilt, we do something. Some people take it in the right way. But most don’t. Anyone I’ve spoken to take on something to push away their feelings, like I mentioned in the first post, and 2 weeks later they forget about the kabala, guoilt gone, they haven’t gotten anywhere higher.

    Yekke I have heard that mashul before.

    What I am saying is that kabalos wane and don’t make people any better ussually when you make them in a time like this (any better say,2 months later- you are in the same place, back to square one. Maybe it will take 6 months..but ya). You need to work on what you already do so you will want to take on something more not for your guilt but for your ahava for the mitzvah. See what I mean? Girls take on more tzniyus as a kabalah, but half don’t even LIKE tzniyus in the first place and the second they are outta high school, their standards are dropped. Their kabbala along with halacha even. So instead of taking on a kabala, they should take on the mitzvah.

    Growing up with so many mitzvos we are learned the motions from young but have to discover feelings for much of it later on. (Not everyone, but even people who do grow up in a place with feelings for the mitzvos, it’s not EVERY mitzvah) How can we take on something new when we aren’t doing the old to the fullest?!?!

    Once we do that we will want to take on something new.

    I have not yet a source for the kabbalah thing, but it just makes sense to be up to par with what you are ALREADY doing before you move on, no?

    Please tell me if that sounds too crazy…

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕

    Shopping, someone deciding and taking upon themselves to improve their kavana in davening, or to do mitzvos with more hislahavus, has also made a kabala.


    When someone is in pain and you cannot do something you feel helpless and GUILTY. So, to push away the guilt, we do something

    You are right. You feel guilty when you cannot help. But ‘doing something’ doesn’t push away the guilt; it is a form of helping!

    (any better say,2 months later- you are in the same place, back to square one. Maybe it will take 6 months..but ya)

    There are two responses to that comment.

    (a) The only reason why your Kabbalah falls out the window after 2/6 months is because you start to big. If a person takes on a madreigah which is too hard for them to commit to, then they will obviously fall – and like you said, perhaps fall lower than they were until then. But a Kabbalah doesn’t have to be something big. Don’t decide to stop speaking Loshon Horo at all, but take upon yourself not to talk Loshon Horo over the lunch table. Something small – but something that will make an infinite difference. Too many people make the mistake of accepting things that are too much. You’ve just got to find the right thing – something not too easy, but something manageable that will give you a sense of satisfaction when you do it.

    (b) I mentioned before that ‘A good shmuz lasts until maa’riv’. Well; I once mentioned it to my Mashgiach – I came out of every shmuz with the intention to be a better person, to be perfect; it never lasted. He told me a story about R’ Yisroel Salanter (I think it was him; It might have been R’ Yerucham Lebovitz…) – a bochur came and told him exactly that complaint, and said that his inspiration fizzled out extremely quickly. R’ Yerucham told him that the single maariv he davened better – the whole shmuz was worth it for that.

    The point was that those two months of your Kabbalah, or the six months, is not at all a waste of time; it was 2 months!


    ‘shopping613’ I Agree with you 100%. My kabbalah are to strengthen the mitzva of tefilin and to only listen to jewish music.I dont think these are considered new areas. And I heard from my rebbe that kabbala doesnt mean i’m going to to perform a certain act or not do something ,like a neder,rather im going to strive to get to a certain goal even if im not perfect

    Shopping613 🌠

    DaasYochid – that is true in a sense.

    But the kabalos I mean are taking something on to a new level, which are ussually what people do. We should work on what we already do. EX. not to stop talking Loshon Hora at a certain time, but try to read more about it, be aware. And then we will want to do that.

    The main idea is the kabbalos should come from a good place, of wanting to do it for the sake o0f Hashem and the mitzvha, not to make out consous shut up.

    yekke2 – OF COURSE hashem loves anything we do! But down the line, how have we gotten higher. True, we got more zechuyos, and stuff. But at a time like this essp[ecially we should be looking to do something that will take us higher pernamently. It’s not bad to have more zechuyos, but where does that get you? Why shouldn’t you have more zechuyos AND be a little higher pernamently?

    monsey – the music thing might be too much, I don’t know where you are holding but it sounds like a lot. You are right.

    The idea of a working on yourself is that

    1) it’s from a good place, where you want to do more for your love of the mitzvah

    2) It will get you higher pernamently

    3) Even if you do not succeed, you won’t blame yourself (like most people do every time they forget about the kabbalah) here they think “I’m working on myself, I made a mistake, let’s try again know”

    Kabala is soooo cliche. Can’t we just work on ourselves? Why does it have to be a “kabala” to “share” to “keep”.

    Just keep your mouth closed and work on yourself to be a better person and connect with Hashem.

    No need for titles or anything.

    Still, if anyone knows where in the Torah it says about kabbalos that would be great.


    So instead of taking on a kabala, they should take on the mitzvah.

    Any form of strengthening your Avoidas Hashem, whether by enhancing your performance in one area, or by accepting to be better in other ways, is equivalent of a “Kabbalah”. Saying a brachah on food with more kavanah; being nicer to somebody who needs friends… or anything that you weren’t doing as well yesterday – that is a Kabbalah.

    Shopping613 🌠

    There is a difference from trying, than taking something upn yourself, lekabel al atzmecha mashu.

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