I do not doubt that the families don’t go overboard, but I think the mothers and/or the boys do. How do you define “Torahdik,” and quantify “most” and how would you know their expectations? It would be pretty embarrassing to actually broadcast their expectations, but in private discussion, you may get a different picture. I have been involved in shidduchim and have been shocked by some of the expectations. In one example that I heard, a very simple living family with a lot of daughters, the mother said because she has lots of girls, she is “looking for the best deal” for her sons. How many shidduchim don’t proceed because of the promised support is not what the boy’s family is looking for. But I digress, if this Borsalino hat thing is such a big deal, why not make a takana that boys shouldn’t wear them, so the poor ones shouldn’t feel bad. Why is such a takana any different from the ones made on weddings?
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