Playtime, here
Lyrics:
Every song needs an introduction… because…
CHORUS
A song without an introduction,
Is like chicken soup without no lukshen,
My producer just looked at me and nodded,
I think he wants me to get started.
Testing, testing, aintz tzvai, drai
I eat a gid hanasheh every bite,
I put on my left shoe before my right,
You think I don’t do aveiros? Don’t even wonder,
I never make a brucheh when I hear the thunder,
My wife wears a sheitel, not a tichel,
I eat the herring without the kichel,
I drink every night ad delo yudeh,
I never sing zemiros at the shabbos sudeh,
I hang around with a goyishe oilem,
I never do bikur cholim,
Yeah I hang out with goyim vus iz nisht gemalet,
I don’t put on my paper, beis samech daled.
CHORUS
I spoke to my goyishe friend named Boris,
He wrote me up this little chorus,
It breaks up the song so it doesn’t get boring,
And now we’ll continue with the recording.
I go to shul and I’m just chillin,
I only put on one pair of tefillin,
I never cry when I go to levayos,
I eat the matzah, less than a kezayis,
I don’t even care about chulev stam,
I don’t even like be’er mayim chayim,
I go to the games with Derek Jeter,
I always get married during sefira,
I do aveiros, oid ve’oid,
I never go on trips on chol hamo’ed,
I never daven tefillah be’tzibur,
I listen to the tapes, from Justin Bieber.
CHORUS
I cruise around in my ’05 Taurus,
Blasting out the second chorus,
I feel like I’m rocking up the whole joint,
And now we’re at the halfway point.
I’m such a goy, vus hut du getracht,
I learn the gantzeh nittel nacht,
Chassidim and rebbes are not my types,
I wear the tzitzis without the stripes,
I always say lashon hara,
All my friends do avodah zara,
I’m such a tzioni, I sing Hatikva,
I don’t even pay when I use the mikva,
I changed my name to Sam, from Shmuel,
I don’t even like Eretz Yisrooel,
I don’t ask for a shidduch when I go to Amukah,
I give more than a choimesh to tzedukeh,
I use the Internet for the news,
I do birkas kohanim with my shoes.
CHORUS
Don’t turn it down, don’t ignore us,
Listen up to the final chorus,
I haven’t yet showed you all my cards,
Mir halt shoin by the line fun twenty yards.
I do shnayim mikra without the targum,
When I see an Amaleiki I would never harg him,
I’m the biggest ba’al aveiros in the velt,
I never give my kids any chanuka gelt,
My esrog is always full of black dots,
I always make a brucheh when I wash urchatz,
I eat in the sukkah on Sh’mini Atzeres,
I toivel in the mikvah holding a sheretz,
By Haman’s name I always cheer,
By shulem zuchers I only drink root beer,
By the Purim shpiel I never laugh,
For afikomen I use the smaller half,
I only drink gimmel koises,
I eat tons of marror without charoises,
Rosh Hashana by simanim I eat the shvantz,
By my chasunah I had an aveirah tantz.
CHORUS
Too much of your time I’m already spending,
So now I’m gonna take you to the ending,
I hope you like and I hope you enjoy,
This song about a yid who thinks he’s a goy.