SJSinNYC,
What makes you think that all those things mentioned are “acceptable” in the orthodox community? Did you ever hear of a Yetzer Hara? As far as I know, most people I know have got one. The problem is that most people know that and try to work on themselves, but if someone has an ideology against the Torah, what will make them work on themselves?
Yes, I speak Lashon Hara unfortunately, but I also learn the sefer shmiras halashon every night and am trying to work on myself but if someone drives on shabbos and thinks that they are doing a good thing because they are going to shul, they are wrong.
No one is saying that someone who drives on shabbos is a worse Jew, but they are definitely mis-guided. We may not judge them (who knows where any of us would be had we grown up in a different situation) but we cannot accept their views as being correct at all. If it is against the Torah it is unacceptable.