000646-
The answer to your question about how to gauge who can argue on Rav Moshe, the answer is nobody in this generation. This is based on the principal of Yeridas Hadoros – We cannot argue on Rav Moshe, Rav Moshe cannot argue on an Acharon etc – this is when they can to a conclusion or a psak. The only way a rav today CAN argue on a gadol from a previous generation, is by “holding” of a psak of a different gadol or rishon/acharon who was either an equal of their generation, or was a gadol from a previous generation (and greater by the concept of yeridas hadoros – and closer to the mesora from matan torah).
That being said, if you are going by a Rav, asking details of how to follow tznius (or how your wife should) from him, and he is a G-d fearing Jew who is knowledgable in Torah (no labels or distinctions here! The ones who are not acceptable are not G-d fearing…!), then good for you, and you don’t have to argue with others about this…as long as everyone does “aseh lecha rav” and asks them, and FOLLOWS their psak!
As per the point about gold/jewelry, etc being more “showy” – I’m pretty certain the underlying point to these things is that if it’s not an eyesore by “minhag hamakom” (the accepted practice of that place) AND it is befitting a bas melech (daughter of THE king) – i.e. – not streety, shlumpy, etc….for anything beyond the basic coverage & not tight – then it fits with tznius. I believe when rabbonim say slits are assur even below the knee, their intent is that the way it attracts attention (with the peekaboo effect) is somewhat streety and not befitting a bas melech. There is no question that being covered in the basics come first. And if women are not ready to take on all the “proper” tznius beyond the basics at once (or change makom and the minhag hamakom is different and it’s too much to take on at once), you should ask the advice of your rav what to choose first and in what time frame, that you can handle, to take on more of it (just like a baal teshuva has to with mandatory mitzvos.)
Like someone else said in a earlier post, A Jew’s tachlis (job) in this world is to better themselves – no one is asking that you do too much for yourself, as long as you are “moving up”…and if some do ask too much, they have unrealistic expectations – but growing in Torah & mitzvos is trying to grow in doing what G-d wants from us…
Chazak v’Amatz!