moish, you are laying blame at the feet of others instead of accepting responsibility for your choices. You are not ignorant. You know what’s what. People can and do spend their lives blaming others for how they turned out. It’s bogus. You control your life, no matter how badly other people may affect you. Only you can decide how to react to what other people say or do. Do you really think that you are the only person who has had a bad experience with a rebbe?
No matter how much of a bad influence he was, no matter how much motivation he gave you to do a 180 on your life, you are still the one who did it. You also blame hormones; are you the only one with hormones? You chose to follow your basest needs and wants instead of battling against them and standing up for what you know is right. That was and is your choice. I say “is” because it is a decision you make every day. Tomorrow you can decide to do a 180 again and if you don’t you are deciding to continue what you know you don’t want to do.
And don’t go back to saying “squeak doesn’t like me” again (another teenage cop-out). You know I do. This is what we call “tough love”. (: