Moish-
I’ve been reading this thread for a while although I havent addeed my comments yet… a few points if I may (sorry for their not being in order of the original comments)
1. You say you break many halachos a day. Simply proves you are human. There is no human created who has not knowingly done something wrong, ever.
2. About your so called “fake” relationship with Hashem. First it is not possible to have a fake relationship, either its there or its not. Aside from that even if you say you would be asking for the wrong things, you are still acknowledging to Hashems being in control, which is a big step in the right direction. Until the recent financial downturn, many people would have laughed in your face had you told them something like that.
3. You mention that Hashem has never spoken to you. He has. He chose you to give this nisayon to instead of any number of kids your age who are sitting in yeshivas and bais yaakovs. This is simply the path which you are meant to travel to ultimately become the best person you can be. Keep in mind that if Hashem bothered to give it to you, he wants you closer to Him because He loves you. Someone I know was once observing a teacher. A student in the back was talking during the entire class. At the end of the period the teacher approached the student and said “dont think I didn’t see you, I just don’t care enough about you to do anything.
4. I know I’m reiterating myself here (#1) but don’t be so hard on yourself. Even if you know you dont daven 3 times every day and as you say three quarters of what you do is wrong. You’re not helping anyone anyone and you’ll only succeed in putting yourself on a guilt trip. You are not bad. Hashem bothered to create you and he knows what Hes doing.
5. Choose something small to do every single day, without fail. Not something major which will make a big thing. Something small, for you to know and no one else.
P.S. You say when you daven you really mean it. I am jealous of that, and BTW, I have a feeling that no matter what you are physically doing that may be wrong, in your heart you know the right direction, and your teshuva is much more whole than many other people.