zahavasdad
There is a famous vort from Rabbi Frand about why the torah lists all the gifts given by the nisiam in parshas Naso
Why repeat the identical series of korbonos 12 times?
The answer is that each subsequent nasi could have said “the last one threw a party with xyz, I’m going to do one better!”
They didn’t, and each one resisted that urge to stand out and showed tznius and mentschlikiet by doing the exact same thing as his predecessor, the torah rewards them by singling out each and repeating the gift of each to show how beloved it was to Hashem
Your philosophy is not compatible with this.
There are norms of society. whether it’s weddings or cars or houses. When someone “one ups” his friend and the societal norms for any reason, he invokes all sorts of problems, from ayin hora to being responsible for setting an atmosphere of “keeping up with the jonse’s”,
such a person is not a baal mussar.
I can easily afford a lexus, but I dont. Not because I don’t appreciate the luxury, rather its because its not what Hashem wants and because its good chinuch for my children. So says the mussar seforim.
I have never encountered a statement in all my learning that says what you said “that some said you should live well” Just the opposite
Especially amongst the goyim, A jew is supposed to not stand out.
See the Yaalot devash by Rav Eybeshutz and what he says about drawing attention to ourselves with fancy houses etc.