Here’s the story – i am trying to leave out some basics without leaving out the needed info but don’t know if it will work. Feel free to ask questions.
As I have mentioned a few times I have a friend who was involved in a very messy divorce. I have also mentioned that I experienced some very difficult interactions with people whom I had trusted or were in trusted positions. I am not one to share stories of “bad behavior” with my children, but they were there to witness many disturbing scenes.
Here is a mock up of a scenario for the sake of being able to ask my question.
we were all sitting in the living room and witnessed person A following my friend home. We saw them start an altercation with my friend, and then call the police. We heard the police say the reason for the call, and we know first hand it was not true (we were watching thru the window). Person A then reported this incident (claiming my friend did what he was accused of doing) to a Rav who now accepted it as fact. My children were in the room when the rav called (we didn’t know at the time why he was calling) and he gave over instructions to us based on this false report. We told him we knew the report was false but he was very adamant that he knew it was true and that we were to help file the report against our friend.
So that type of thing happened many times with different trusted individuals and it was very very painful and disheartening. My children know that we feel this rav let us down and that respecting this man became difficult. (tho we NEVER spoke it out). Now it is a year later and I received a second hand message of regret from this particular rav. I am surprised and pleased. I am grateful. I am also very sad. My dilemma is this (two things):
Would it be good for my older children to know about this gesture since they know about the “behavior”?
My friend was so badly burned by so many people. I would love to tell him about the message because he would be impressed that it was done (maybe make the person look better in his eyes?), but it may only lessen his ‘hatred’ from 100% to 90%. He would be happy for me, but it could certainly bring forth many comments/thoughts of lashon hora due to his own experiences and his lack of receipt of any such regret toward his ill treatment.
So…what do you feel is the right thing to do, what are your feelings on this dilemma?