What Should I Do?

Another one? Related to yoyo?

Anyone can choose to block incoming texts from a specific number. Phone companies and police departments have all the info

i dont think we are related dont know who jofes is but i have the inunedo by sanyo u are able to block certain #s once someone sent me abt 50 texts at once i got really annoyed i blocked their # maybe u can do the same

this is what happens when parents think they can trust 12 year olds with cell phones! its so sad!

Shame on those kids!! who do they think they are?? speak 2 theyre parents again

not always do parents have control

Here’s the story – i am trying to leave out some basics without leaving out the needed info but don’t know if it will work. Feel free to ask questions.

As I have mentioned a few times I have a friend who was involved in a very messy divorce. I have also mentioned that I experienced some very difficult interactions with people whom I had trusted or were in trusted positions. I am not one to share stories of “bad behavior” with my children, but they were there to witness many disturbing scenes.

Here is a mock up of a scenario for the sake of being able to ask my question.

we were all sitting in the living room and witnessed person A following my friend home. We saw them start an altercation with my friend, and then call the police. We heard the police say the reason for the call, and we know first hand it was not true (we were watching thru the window). Person A then reported this incident (claiming my friend did what he was accused of doing) to a Rav who now accepted it as fact. My children were in the room when the rav called (we didn’t know at the time why he was calling) and he gave over instructions to us based on this false report. We told him we knew the report was false but he was very adamant that he knew it was true and that we were to help file the report against our friend.

So that type of thing happened many times with different trusted individuals and it was very very painful and disheartening. My children know that we feel this rav let us down and that respecting this man became difficult. (tho we NEVER spoke it out). Now it is a year later and I received a second hand message of regret from this particular rav. I am surprised and pleased. I am grateful. I am also very sad. My dilemma is this (two things):

Would it be good for my older children to know about this gesture since they know about the “behavior”?

My friend was so badly burned by so many people. I would love to tell him about the message because he would be impressed that it was done (maybe make the person look better in his eyes?), but it may only lessen his ‘hatred’ from 100% to 90%. He would be happy for me, but it could certainly bring forth many comments/thoughts of lashon hora due to his own experiences and his lack of receipt of any such regret toward his ill treatment.

So…what do you feel is the right thing to do, what are your feelings on this dilemma?

I agree. I have just been hesitant to bring up the subject of his behavior at all since it was inappropriate and I worried about lashon hora. I never gave them the impression that Rabbaim are above the law, but I was hesitant to discuss it for fear of not doing so appropriately. And I guess I didn’t want to bring it up for discussion before there was this to add to it.(which I surely never expected)

Doesn’t the rav owe your friend a direct apology? Unless he apologizes to him (in which case your involvement becomes unnecessary), I don’t see how relaying his apology to you would help.

(Did I understand the scenario correctly?)

It’s not your cheshbon; I agree. I just think that it’s reasonable to assume that you friend will not feel less negativity, which would mean that you would be better off not telling him, and that is your cheshbon.

If the Rav has expressed his regret to you, it would seem that it is your cheshbon to be ????? the Rav about what he did to your friend.

If you know that the Rav has not expressed his regret and asked your friend for forgiveness, perhaps you should find a way to remind the Rav that ?????? ???? ??? ????? ??? ??? ???????? ???? ?? ????? ?? ????.

Of course, this is a very sensitive thing that must be done with great wisdom.

It would be a great favor for the Rav, and would also help your friend heal.

catch yourself – Thank you for those thoughts, I just don’t see myself saying any such thing to a rav. and i am not convinced he believes he wronged my friend. It was also a third person message.