I think some people are inclined to stretch the point of the aggadata beyond any mussar messages Chaza”l may have intended to convey.
One is not likely to “know” who one’s bashert is, except perhaps in hindsight.
Like any aspect of one’s life – like seeking a teacher or how to earn a living – one must rely on one’s head more than one’s heart (though that doesn’t mean ignores one’s feelings altogether). Seek the counsel of parents, one’s rav and/or those with experience in these matters.
Possibly, it’s best summed up in the adage: “luck is made, not given.” In this context, it means that once you’ve made your choice, be more concerned about your own behavior and attitudes than about those of your spouse.
That doesn’t mean be a doormat and ignore real incompatibilities (again, relying on advice from parents, rebbeim and experts).
Relationships require effort, compromise and self-sacrifice, requirements some folks never realize or accept.