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How do I know if I already passed by/ missed my Basheret?
Is it possible to argue with your true match made in heaven in the first few dates to the point that one would break off the relationship? Or everything has to go smoothly between the real soulmates?
What are the signs to recognize your Basheret? Is it gonna be a mutual attraction? or can It be one way?
1. There is no way to ever know, hence it is foolish to assume that you missed it.
2 and 3. Every couple is different. No couple never fights.
I think some people are inclined to stretch the point of the aggadata beyond any mussar messages Chaza”l may have intended to convey.
One is not likely to “know” who one’s bashert is, except perhaps in hindsight.
Like any aspect of one’s life – like seeking a teacher or how to earn a living – one must rely on one’s head more than one’s heart (though that doesn’t mean ignores one’s feelings altogether). Seek the counsel of parents, one’s rav and/or those with experience in these matters.
Possibly, it’s best summed up in the adage: “luck is made, not given.” In this context, it means that once you’ve made your choice, be more concerned about your own behavior and attitudes than about those of your spouse.
That doesn’t mean be a doormat and ignore real incompatibilities (again, relying on advice from parents, rebbeim and experts).
Relationships require effort, compromise and self-sacrifice, requirements some folks never realize or accept.
There’s no such thing.
There. Now you are free to choose someone you actually like.
Contrary to popular belief, there is no difference between finding a shidduch and anything else in life with regards to “bashert”. Everything that happens in this world is hashem’s will and hashem knows exactly what will happen, and it’s always for the good. If you aren’t sure what you will eat for breakfast and you end up eating pancakes, it is bashert. This doesn’t mean that we should just walk through life without trying to make things as best as we possibly can with the reasoning that everything is bashert anyway. Such thinking is foolish. For some reason people take the bashert concept to a whole new level when it comes to shidduchim. They quote a saying from chazal that everyone’s match is declared in heaven before they are born. That is true, but it’s not as if heaven didn’t know even earlier who your match is. Everthing is destined from above. But we still need to live our life according to the guidelines of the torah which includes looking out for your best interest and looking for someone to marry that will suit you best and help you further in your avodas hashem. Any questions and confusion about a bashert shidduch can really be general issues you may have with the concept of yediah and bechirah.
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