Contrary to popular belief, there is no difference between finding a shidduch and anything else in life with regards to “bashert”. Everything that happens in this world is hashem’s will and hashem knows exactly what will happen, and it’s always for the good. If you aren’t sure what you will eat for breakfast and you end up eating pancakes, it is bashert. This doesn’t mean that we should just walk through life without trying to make things as best as we possibly can with the reasoning that everything is bashert anyway. Such thinking is foolish. For some reason people take the bashert concept to a whole new level when it comes to shidduchim. They quote a saying from chazal that everyone’s match is declared in heaven before they are born. That is true, but it’s not as if heaven didn’t know even earlier who your match is. Everthing is destined from above. But we still need to live our life according to the guidelines of the torah which includes looking out for your best interest and looking for someone to marry that will suit you best and help you further in your avodas hashem. Any questions and confusion about a bashert shidduch can really be general issues you may have with the concept of yediah and bechirah.
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