Avram in MD –
No, I don’t think a Chinese style cultural revolution against lavish weddings would be very productive at anything except marginalizing an already vulnerable segment of our communities
So you accept the status quo.
A jew who cares – Truthfully, depending on the situation of the parents, I would be impressed. That being said, Ittisa (and the Shver) would probably pay more in to upgrade from turkey to pastrami, with Potato Kugel. 🙂
Mammele – You chose the “almost”, i.e. Pikuach Nefesh which comes before Yeshivos. So does Pidyon Shevuyim, and possibly paying for Yesomos to get married. Ayin YD 249. Shkoyach.
Your second post reflects a societal problem, that the poor Kallah whose parents and in-laws can’t pay tuition, have staggering credit card debit and feed the children at Kiddushim on Shabbos has the need to show off her diamond (1+ Carats only!), watch and bracelet to everyone, and is embarrassed if she can’t. Kollel (and yes, that has to be part of the discussion) only makes it worse.
And I agree with you about American materialism creeping up on us, the question is how to curb it, not how to quit helping each other out financially.
IMHO, it is not really Materialism, it is American Equality (part of the liberalism that our community has been co-opted into believing). The poor among us should not just be helped to get by, but should be raised to the level of everyone else who helps pay for it. This is not a Torah concept, but a bleeding heart liberal one.