I think it’s really important question. even in towns where the local Vaad instituted cost caps on such affairs and the community adhered to them, the costs are still very high
While I do like the idea of putting aside money each year for each child, that takes a lot of commitment and sacrifice (mazal, too) considering other major expenses a family typically faces over the same period, housing and tuition being obvious examples.
I think it will take a lot of courage on the part of well known, respected and well-to-do families to trail-blaze a new approach to weddings and make them less about the pomp and circumstance and more about emotionally supporting the new couple. Once classy, wealthy people make it fashionable, there will be far less pressure on those of lesser means to over-extend themselves to keep up appearances.