anonymisss- i missed this entire discussion. Everything was well put. However, I hope it doesn’t give you any extra conflicts to deal with.
If you can pull this off- can I suggest a trip to Israel, with a good friend, to recharge your emotional and spiritual batteries? I find just going there already rejuvenates the soul.
I’m not a big advocate of therapy/psychologists unless it’s very necessary. Being that we do not have details I couldn’t judge. Most of the time, the tougher the situation, the stronger you will come out of it.
Focus on emunah and davening- it lends strength you never knew you posessed.
In times of trouble, the davening itself heals, you don’t necessarily need what we term “results”. We don’t know what the best results are for us; but it feels good just to unload and put everything on Hashem’s “shoulders”.
I’d like to continue, but don’t have the time.
I’m wishing you lots and lots of hatzlocha and may Hashem grant you with menuchas hanefesh.