moish, you’re clearly not the simple guy. They don’t achieve this level of independent thought.
The theme of your question is “Why am I challenged more than the average ‘good’ guy? If I weren’t challenged I’d be a ‘good’ guy too”. I’ll start with the easiest thing first: The things that challenge you and lead you to do things you regret are the same things that make you moish01. If not for these challenges, you would be Chaim Yankel. Next time you see Chaim Yankel, look at him closely; imagine that you were no different from him – you ARE him. Do you like the picture? No, I think not. You like you (and you should), therefore you must accept the things that make you that way. Is it a tougher burden than Chaim Yankel’s? It may be, but that is the price you must pay to be moish01. He may have gotten his “peckele” at the outlet, while you bought yours in a Manhattan boutique, but you get what you pay for in life.
This, by the way, is the same answer I tried to give you when you mentioned your brother, Mr. Perfect (the post did not get approved). You like ‘you’, your parents like ‘you’, Mr. Perfect likes ‘you’. If you were Mr. Perfect then there would be no moish01, because there can be no Perfect Moish01. I got plenty more to say about this, but I don’t want to jeopardize my entire post by accidentally repeating something unworthy in this paragraph.
If you can accept that everything that drives you, and everything that challenges you, is what makes you who you are (I hate cliches, but just one), then you are already most of the way to answering your question. The rest of it would take a personal discussion with someone who knows you. Is it your high intelligence that makes you see things that fly over the average person’s head like an eagle flies over a worm? Is it some middah that you excel in which you are using for good and bad? I can’t even begin to understand the specific nature of your question, but I’m sure someone can, if you trust them to.
As far as other people go, you know that no one has it easy. But some people who might be like you are instead fitting in to the “average” group that sits and learns and never thinks of disobedience (for example). The reason for that is that we are challenged even from a young age. The choices we make then, to conform or to rebel, bring us down a path that leads to the choices we face today. So the kid who shrugged off the (then) minor challenge to be a rebel at age 8 will not have the major challenge you face at age 16. That applies to some people; most people would never face the same challenges as you no matter what. So what looks easy for them is hard for you, but what is easy for you may be hard for them. No one has it ALL easy. This phenomenon is what enables people to be overly critical of othes – the fact that we all have different challenges.
Please, find someone you trust to talk about specifics. There are answers. And think about what I said about the 8 year old setting the course for the 16 year old and what that means for a 16 year old vis a vis a 24 year old.