You questions require a long conversation. Are you still in Yeshiva? It is much better to speak about it with your family Rav. If you are embarrassed try your Rosh Yeshiva, Maggid Shiur, Shoel Umeishiv. Don’t think about what info they will give about you for something you are not sure you even want. or at least not at this point.
Everybody here is ready to give their input , but that is NOT what you should base your decision on.
The big question is what would you do if not. Would you be learning? You have the answer in Brachos hatorah – the last words of Ailu D’varim “?????? ???? ???? ????” .