“Regarding paying before the chassuna or afterwards, with my deepest sympathies to “bad omens” they generally don’t consitute codified halacha.”
Maybe your knowledge in learning is more profound than mine, but I have quite a few years on you when it comes to life experience and knowledge in this area. It is not “ibeegeebee’s or superstitions” that you would most likely wish to attribute this to. Ask your LOR. There have been many incidents where childless couples or couples with huge shalom bayis issues were asked by their Rabbonim if they paid their shadchan or if they hurt anyone in their past. These are two of the first questions that are asked. These are inyanim that are brought down. And no I don’t know where it is written. Again ask your LOR. Which by the way we asked and we were told that if a friend redt our shidduch paying $1 was sufficient shadchanus but of course you can always buy a gift. As long as payment was made you are yotzeh.
The inyan of making a shidduch is a mitzvah and it does not compare to some other kind of physical labor such as an electrician. Are you saying that the Shulchan Aruch says that? Does it say that it is an act of labor and a shadchan must be paid like any other laborer?
Who decides what is “fair” compensation. Does “fair” compensation depend on the time and effort involved? What does a “name dropper” deserve? Or better yet a 2 minute conversation with a “name dropper” who then considers herself the shadchan?
AZ, you seem to have appointed yourself the expert on the subject and the one with all the answers. So how much does the name dropper get? On the other hand, the friend that kept encouraging you to go out again and again, and listened and tried, and got involved, and did research for you, who didn’t come up with the name, but did everything else, is really NOT considered the shadchan because she didn’t drop the name, so she doesn’t get anything right, because she doesn’t have the official title, right? What does the Shulchan Oruch say about that? Is that posted on the Website? These things are so cut and dry, right? There are rules according to your community? What happens in your community? Who is considered the shadchan? The name dropper or the laborer?