I also wanted to comment on the original poster.
“Without a doubt there is certainly shortage of boys on the market. However in many instances I find the girls being overly demanding/choosy in what they are “looking for”. Such as “I only want someone with a plan” why in the world would a 24 year old learning boy need any more of a “plan” other then to learn and trust in hashem??”
There is an old joke about a girl’s father who meets his future son-in-law. He asks the boy how he plans to provide for his family. The boy answer’s “G-d will provide.” He asks how he plans to pay rent, bills, etc. and each time the boy answers “G-d will provide.” The father comes home and tells his wife “I’m glad that this boy thinks that I’m G-d.”
This story is apocryphal, and the point is that yes, G-d does provide, but money doesn’t usually rain down from the heavens. More often than not, in these situations, financial support is coming solely from the girl’s parents. Unless the parents are wealthy or have an outside source of income, this way of life is usually unsustainable in the long term. Therefore, many girls, out of a sense of RESPONSIBILITY and not wanting to burden their parents, want a boy who has some sort of plan. If a boy is in shidduchim, he should have some idea of how he is going to make it financially, without relying on his in-laws or his wife indefinitely.
‘And those who want working boys complain that he “isn’t serious enough about his learning”. Well yeah that is why he isn’t in Yeshiva and he his working with a “plan” as you wanted.’
Are “working” and “serious about learning” mutually exclusive? My father would be quite offended. There is a chiyuv on all men to be “koveia itim laTorah.” The mefarshim say that this means “asai Torascha keva u’melachtecha arai” – meaning, Torah should be the ikar, and the work tafel… regardless of how many hours are put in to each one.
“And for those of you living in Flatbush there is the new question “does he or doesn’t he wear a farragamo belt”. I’ll agree it’s a bit crazy to spend 360.00 dollars on a belt, but should that be a deciding factor in a shidduch?? (besides many of them are 10.00 dollar imitations).”
I agree that it shouldn’t be a “deciding factor” in a shidduch. However, the idea that someone would spend $360 on a belt says something about him (i.e. high maintenance). If I’m not looking for someone who’s high maintenance, maybe that will raise just a bit of a red flag.
From my end, my mother once said to me, “It’s not that a chup on a boy is a deal-breaker in a shidduch- it’s totally not- but I just can’t see you ending up with a boy who has a chup.” Chups happen to drive me crazy, but I’ve gone out with wonderful boys who have a chup. It’s obviously not a deal-breaker, but ultimately, the chup (in most cases) was somewhat representative of the differences in hashkafa/personality that we had.
“I recently heard a girl complain “I wouldn’t pay a penny to meet a shadchan”, really? why not?? does the shadchan owe you anything to spend hours and hours to try to find you someone–do you know of anyone that works for free?? (for the record i personally have never charged anyone or even accepted anything for any involvement in shidduchim).”
I agree with other posters- when do you ever pay someone if they don’t promise to do work for you? Will I shell out thousands of dollars for all the shadchanim I met who have never set me up??