Reply To: Shidduchim & "The Boys' Mother"

It’s you and some others I would assume. There isn’t one way that everyone does it. But the mother making the parental decisions regarding the sons shidduchim is not how most bochorim’s shidduchims are conducted.

Now this is a nuanced topic. Often it is true that the mother will be the “secretary” for her sons shidduch prospects. She’ll make the notes of what was redt, will relay information, will inform others what her son is looking for, etc. But her being the shidduch secretary in no way demonstrates that she is calling the shots. She is the messenger. Often the father and/or the bochor will advise the wife/mother what questions to ask, what points to tell the shadchanim, etc.