As much as my school stuffs it in to us that we need to marry a guy in learning (and this is still high school were talking about) I am realistic. I don’t think I would be able to work full time at all. I think I could do part time working. but not more than that. It would be lovely for my husband to learn all day when we get married but the reality is that even in shana rishona I’d want him to do some kind of work either so we can live comfortabely in shana rishona or to save up- on top of the fact that I think men need to work a bit since Hashem made them that way.
Not everyone should learn. Flatbusher@ – there definetly needs to be learners. But right now I think there is way too many.
I want a guy that does learn when he can. A night chavrusa, 2 hours on shabbos, on the way and back to work-I want a guy that looks at himself realisticly and sees he cannot learn 8 hours a day but he can fit in 3 or 4. And as we have more kids it might diwndle to 1 or 2. But I want a guy that will live for those 2 hours.
I have trouble concentrating for too long. 10 hours days of school are hard for me. But just because 10 hours is hard and I dont enjoy it doesn’t mean I can’t love 2 hours and hold on 2 hours of learning if I had every day. See my point?
There was an asrticle in mishpacha about how a father looked at what his kids needed for a spouse rather than what everyone else had/top kids/ and so on. I think this is the cause of the shidduch crisis. We all label each other, think we need top guys with tops girls with top weddings. Look at his middos. Would you take the guy who wants to learn 8 hours but isn’t a good conversation guy over a guy who wants to learn for 2 but can talk for hours? What would work better with your needs realisticly?
Unfortunately everyone has to put on a show and pretend we are looking for this perfect guy instead of being realistic like this.
The miracle is that despite this messed up system people actually do get married- and a lot! The married ones should be the exception and not the rule in this system
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