I think that a family is more comfortable when there is not a huge difference in socio-economic and education levels.
The new entrant to a family who comes from a lesser position should not have to feel uncomfortable about their circumstances or should their parents be forced to put on airs or go to expense they can not afford to keep up with the new in-laws. Also true, is that my child should not have to hide his/her wealth if marrying into a family of lesser means. If my son is the recipient of a large diamond that has come down thru the family, as well another jewels and sterling, etc. why shouldn’t his wife feel comfortable wearing and using them? She won’t if they are much bigger/better than those of her mother/sisters etc.
I don’t flaunt my money. My home is not the most expensive in the neighborhood. I don’t buy a new car every year. I don’t live above my means and give accordingly. BUT, no one should assume marriage is an automatic entree to my pocket.
This is not to say that I’d have a problem with a prospective SIL whose parents are of limited means. I would not expect him to go into great debt to put a ring on my daughter’s finger of same size and quality as her other sister wears. That said, he should not presume on a first date to negotiate his future support. If and only if there was interest on the part of my daughter and he passed the parent sniff test should this topic be broached.
I got a call from a rebbi at a yeshiva my 2nd son attended years ago. He told me that our family name was being circulated as a good catch because I had money, only 3 daughters and could easily afford to support a son-in-law and grandchildren. I found this offensive. The rebbi then said that he advised baal baatim such as myself to never buy a named space in the yeshiva…no brass placque on a classroom, etc., as that would make my children targets of wealth seekers, rather I should give anonymously.
I thanked him for his advice, but explained that my zaidy, Z”L taught me we had an obligation to show our name on donations to encorage those we know to make similar gifts. The rebbi replied: Make the donation in memory of or in honor of someone in the family and leave off the name of the donor from the placque.