Girls go to high school and study hard (let’s say) for Chumash tests, staying up late and night figuring out the meanign of the ibn Exras and Rambans. Then they get married to a Kollel guy, have children, and assume the role of Akeres HaBayis, possibly never to open an ibn Ezra again.
You learn how Midos is the most important thing in the world, yet on the report card, you can have a half dozen red, circled “dalets” because you failed your academic subjects, and the fact that youre the most righteous baals midos in the world is hardly documented.
I know about this – it is an issue. In more Chassidishe circles, girls are brought up more in line with their ultimate roles as wives and mothers, and therefore, in those circles, you will not hear any girls asking “what is my role” – it’s pretty clear.
Which is the real women’s role in Judaism? the one we learn about or the one we experience – the Akeres HaBayis or the High School valedictorian?
The answer is the Akeres HaBayis. And ideally, your upbringing would reflect that; a century ago, it would have. Problem was, girls were getting influenced by Haskalah and secularism and we had to counter it with a good dose of Torah education for girls. That’s how the BY movement started. It wasn’t ideal, but it was needed. if you wish, you can say it was ideal for these times.
But, like all horaos shah, the edge between the ideal (l’chatchilah) and the necessity (b’dieved) gets blurred. Sometimes Horaas Shash is obvisouly worth the price we pay; sometimes it is obvisouly not worth it. Often, it needs the hachraah of Gedolei Yisroel. this was such a case, and there were Gedolim who were against the BY movement for that and other similar reasons.
However, most Gedolei Yisroel, especially the Litvishe Gedolim, first and foremost among them the Chofetz Chaim ZTL, were in favor of organized education for girls, and the By movement was enthusiastically embraced.
Medicine often has side effects, but we take it anyway.
And here we are now, 100 years later, and the you are feeling “side effects”. Rav Shach ztl and others have stated that a BY schools that teaches too many Meforshim has gone too far, and has crossed the line into what they are not allowed to teach. others, such as the Satmar Rebbe ztl write that even the Chofetz Chaim never intended for girls to learn Meforshim in the first place.
At the other extreme, certain institutions have gone totally beyond the bounds of what is permitted, and have started teaches girls Gemora, which has led to Modern orthodox women writing teshuvos and paskening shailos, deciding which Poskim are correct and which are not! (And, as you can imagine, with the grossest level of incompetence)
But everybody agrees that whatever you are being taught, the ultimate goal is to instill Yiras Shamayim and a fiery commitment to your role as an Akeres HaBayis. No matter how big a melumedes you are, Chazal’s statement applies to you:
How do women merit the next world? By supporting their husbands and children in their learning.
There are women – melumodos and not – who fulfill this role royally. If I may mention a name, Rebitzen Zahava Braunstein a”h was one of them.
There are many others as well.
All the academics and experiences in your BY education is meant to direct you and teach you how to fulfill your ultimate role as an Aishes Chayil and Akeres Habayis, but it is not meant as a microcosm of that role.