“no but i’m saying that i probably wouldn’t miss any of it. i wouldn’t care or know the difference. if anything i’d be better off than i am now – no pressure, no guilt.”
It is no accident that you are hanging out on this site, there is something inside you that is yearning for information, or in someway to connect stronger, with your Jewish identity. It is undeniable that you believe in God, otherwise, you would feel no guilt for anything you did that felt “wrong”. Guilt is given a bad rap because we are told by the secular world that guilt is a product of someone “being judgmental” of another person, and this “judgmentalism” is seen as invalid by the secular, Gentile, value system.
Jews have a different value system: the one taught us from the Torah, the written and oral law. There are some things that we should feel guilty about, e.g. not honoring our parents, treating anyone unkindly, being selfish – all these things can be hurtful and when we hurt someone we should feel guilty and reach to that person and apologize.
Like I said, you are visiting this site for reasons which may not be entirely clear to you, but what it tells me is that you subconsciously wish to become more active as Jew.
This place can be a good place to get information, but I would also suggest that wherever you live there is probably a Chabad house, and if you were to knock on that door, you would find a warm and welcoming environment to have your questions answered and to learn what it means to be Jew, and why being a Jew is the best thing in the world.