blabla: Glad to hear you calmed down. Although I truly care and daven for you (had you in mind while davening shacharis), I’m all of 18 years old. I’m not a certified therapist who deals with issues like yours. B”H, I’m stable, but I still struggle a bit with the remnants of my anxiety.
Fortunately, there are many, many good therapists out there who do know how to deal with this. All I can offer is chizuk, advice based on my experience, encouragement and compliment on your beautiful poems:)
What I WOULD suggest though is that you order the Program for Attacking Anxiety and Depression. It isn’t that expensive ($800) and it really really helps you get out of the depression – but you have to be willing to make a lot of changes and work real hard. If the CDs in itself don’t help, they can provide a coach. I can give you more info if you’re interested. Meanwhile, keep posting and keep strong!