I’ve come to hit a rock bottom,
of a stormy ocean,
one that I’ve battled for long,
one that I’ve lost its wars,
I’ve been submerged,
under its tumbling waves,
crashing on its shores,
white mist above me,
in the dark deep blue,
rumbling groaning waters,
sharks around me,
forceful waves.
I’ve reached the bottom,
hit the stony sharp rocks bellow the surface,
I’ve hit it and can’t go further down.
No further, no closer,
I’m trapped at the bottom,
never to arise,
from this dark gloomy sea,
I’m tired of it,
I’ve had enough of life,
I’m done completely,
I let my overwhelming emotions overcome me and I break down.
balling,
tears flowing like a river,
I reach for the knife,
create soft marks in my skin,
it makes me feel good,
I can harm myself,
punish myself for all the bad I’ve done.
I’ve had enough of battling this world,
fighting for my life,
I now succumb.
I’m dead.
Hashem,
I’m not a malach,
your giving me too much on my plate,
and you blame me for killing myself?!
HOW DARE YOU?!
I don’t know what I write,
dunno what flows off these keys,
dont know what I’m typing,
dunno anything…anywhere….anymore.