Reply To: Depression&torahs perspective&helpful ideas

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#1170017
Thinking out loud
Participant

I’m weighing in on this one. Unfortunately, there is one word currently used for two different conditions.

When a normally functioning person has a bad day, or doesn’t feel accomplished, or has a negative interaction with a loved one, it can lead to lowered feelings. I think this is the type of depression that is addressed in most of the divrei chazal, seforim, and good advice offered.

For some reason we use the exact same term for a seriously altered state of reality, in which the person is stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, negative judgements, self-condemnation, lack of any motivation at all, lessened ability to enjoy normal things, like ice cream, or a cute baby, or even complete inability to experience pleasure or joy. It is termed depression. Yes, it is differentiated in professional terminology by the word clinical. But most people still refer to this state as depression without adding the word clinical. As in, he suffers from depression. Or, she had mania, and is now in a depression. Or, he shows no interest in life, or family simchas. I think he’s depressed.

Note, the lack of that word clinical.

That is how most people speak.

The reason I know is because I have experienced the real deal. Full blown, life threatening, unremitting clinical depression. It did not respond to medicine. It did not respond to exercise. Music made it worse. I tried to read Rabbi Pliskin’s book, and ended up throwing it across the room. Then I condemned myself for not trying. I avoided people to the best of my ability. My mind was stuck in a never ending circular thought loop, that went from thoughts of my sins, to thoughts of my punishments, to thoughts of wanting to die, to thoughts of that being a sin… again, and again, and again, all day and all night. I don’t know a better description of hell. Anxiety medication provided some relief so I could sleep.

I was seeing a therapist. twice a week. then a psychologist. They couldn’t get me to shake it. They tried TMS (look it up). They tried biofeedback. But my mind remained stuck where it was. My expression was sort of flat, there was almost no inflection in my voice. Medically, or Clinically, if you will, that is referred to as having little or no Affect. I was dissociated. (look it up). For whatever reason ECT was not indicated.

Throughout this period, which lasted for many months, my condition was almost always referred to as a depression. By doctors, relatives, therapists, and books. Occasionally the word clinical was added.

The result of this semantic issue, was that I applied everything I heard or read about depression to myself. Most of those uses of the word probably referred to what I termed above as lowered feelings. In the state I was in, I did not know that I was sick. I was able to use all of the ideas, and suggestions, and mussar as daggers with which to attack myself for not improving my middos to alleviate the depression.

Boruch HaShem I am now fine. It’s not relevant to this post whether the condition was chemical or psychological. It didn’t matter. I was stuck. The manifestation of the illness was very real. Only Hashem knows if I had bechira, and in what areas. I dragged myself out of bed to take showers. I’m sure I get credit for that. I went like a zombie to the grocery, to buy basic food. I get credit for that.

But now, Boruch Hashem my life is rather normal. Sometimes, like everyone else, I find myself feeling a bit low. Exercise helps it pass. Going outside helps it pass. Putting on music helps it pass. Calling a friend, considering positive possibilities, reading something funny, getting involved in a minor home repair or some deep house cleaning distracts me, and it passes. Developing an attitude of gam zu l’tova, or hakaras hatov provides a mental climate that will make such feelings less frequent, and more likely to pass when they occur.

Many people would use the word depressed instead of my choice of the term low.

As a person who has suffered from depression, I find it impossible to use that word to describe a feeling that I can change by choosing certain thoughts or activities.

I am certainly not alone. Many others have experienced the type of Major Depression that I did. Those people, as well as their loved ones who observed the unremitting suffering close-up, probably do not use the term depression lightly.

And the fact that others do, is cause for much argument, hurt, and even confusion on the part of those who have had the medical version.

I am sure, from my reactions, and from letters to the editor, and from the posts above, that both a passing experience of lowered feelings, and a serious medical state with dissociative features, are both referred to as depression. Usually without descriptive adjectives such as clinical or Major.

We can not really fault people for whom their only experience with depression is a temporary, or even pervasive bad mood. However, when a person argues about how to address a case of self described depression, as presented by the OP, it is prudent to take people’s possible experiences into account, before jumping on them for over-reacting.

Words mean completely different things to different people.

One last note: Please do not bother to post advice for treating (Clinical) Depression in response to this post. You will likely hurt more people than you help.