not sure if this was ever posted here before, but worth reading again anyways!
After I retired, my wife insisted that I
accompany her on her trips
to Target. Unfortunately, like
most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in
and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like
most
women — she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received
the
following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Johnson,
Over the past
six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been
forced
to ban both of you from the store.
Our
complaints against your husband, Mr. Johnson, are listed below
and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in
house wares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
2. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to
the women’s restroom.
3. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in House wares. Get on
it right away.’
This caused the employeeto leave
her assigned station and receive
a reprimand from
her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a
union
grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the
company money.
4. August 4: Went to
the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&Ms on layaway.
5. August 14:
Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
6. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department
and told the
children shoppers he’d invite them in
if they would bring pillows
and blankets from the
bedding department to which twenty children
obliged.
7. August 23: When a clerk asked if
they could help him he began
crying and screamed,
‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
EMTs
were called.
8. September 4: Looked right into
the security camera and used it
as a mirror while
he picked his nose.
9. September 10: While
handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
10.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
‘Madonna
look’ by using different sizes of
funnels
12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack
and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME!
PICK ME!’
13. October 21: When an announcement
came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal
position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!’
And last, but not least:
14. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door, waited a
while,then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey!
There’s no toilet paper in
here.’
One of the clerks passed out.