BS”D
A dank tzi G-tt far Federal Koilel!
I once went to visit the masmidim in Federal Koilel over in Otisville, and after I spoke to just two of them, all I have to say is a dank tzi G-tt far Federal Koilel.
The first one, he tells me his name is Reb Gimpel. I ask him, who sent you here to learn, and what do you do? He tells me, I’ll be learning here for five years because ich bin geven a fire end insurance adjuster.
I tell him, but wait, that is an honorable and respectable way to make a good parnosso.
He tells me, you don’t understand, I adjusted all of the fires in my buildings so insurance would pay me good. Then I worked a while as an insurance adjuster, you know, I tried to adjust the insurance so I’d get as much as I could.
But you want to meet the real roish koilel? Here he is, Benzene Vass…
So I look at Reb Benzene, a little schlump of a guy with a beat up old hat and a ratty old reckel mit such a schmeck, and I ask him, first of all, what kind of a name is Benzene?
He tells me, listen, myne nomen iz Bentzioin Veisselbich but I’m not a tzioini so I don’t want that anyone should call me nothing with Tzioin in it.
I said, yes, but Benzene, Benny? Stinky, oily chozzerey that causes yenne machle besides, eppes you can be called Benny?
And he says, here, I tell you why dey all call me Benzene…
I goes before the judge and he tries to say myne name, and he can’t. So I says, you ken call me Benzene Vass, because I varf der vasser benzene on the floor from the buildink and set a match and that’s the end from the buildink.
And he roll his eyes and den asks me “So how do you plead”. And I says: “Not guilty, Your Honor!”
He look at me and he say: “You just tell me you throw white benzene on the floor of your building and set it ablaze and then you plead not guilty? I hereby sentence you to six months in detention based on your diminished intellectual capacity!”
In oder words, he say I’m too shtupit to sit more from six months! He’s too shtupit to be a judge!
I say to him, Reb Benzene, next time you should get a smarter judge!
He says: “You know, my wife, she says the same tink!”
—A denk tzi G-tt far Federal Koilel