Comlink-x: “You should be looking for someone who will help you grow.
But if that higher person follows the same logic,
then they won’t be looking for you!”
Someone who will help you grow does not = a higher person. It is probably someone on the same level as you who will help you grow. Actually, it is probably someone who is a bit better than you in some ways and lower than you in others.
What do you mean when you say “tafkid?”
I’m not sure how to answer that “al regel achas”, but basically, when a Jew gets married, the point is to fulfill a tafkid. This is especially true of a lady whose purpose is to be an “ezer kenegdo”. The precise way she fulfills that tafkid will depend on many factors, such as who she marries and what his needs are. It seems to me that being married to a widower would entail a somewhat different role than being married to a never-married guy would, since his needs are different and since the relationship is somewhat different. I could be wrong, but that’s how it seems to me. For example, I know a girl who married a widower, and her husband often talks to her about his first wife. She is okay with it, and I think she sees it as part of her fulfilling her role as his ‘ezer k’negdo’.