Sparkly – I can totally relate to you, because this is something that has always been a big issue for me. I have a VERY hard time forgiving people who are not sorry and do not apologize to me, especially if I have tried speaking to them and let them know that I am hurt and am waiting for their apology.
I have always felt very guilty about not forgiving people and I have wasted a lot of time and energy trying to force myself to forgive people. I have also done what you are doing and continued to be “friends” with people I hated because I felt like I had to.
I spoke to a Rav at one point about it and he told me that according to Halacha I am not required to forgive someone who does not apologize. I felt much better once he said that.
What has helped for me is the following:
1. Trying not to feel guilty about the fact that it is hard for me to forgive people.
2. Acknowledging and accepting my feelings.
3. Not trying to push myself to forgive people if I really feel I can’t.
4. Making sure that they are aware that I am upset with them and that I would want to continue being friends with them but can only do so if they apologize to me.
5. If they still refuse to apologize to me, I discontinue the relationship, and wait things out.
6. Sometimes, I do eventually reach a place where I feel that I no longer need an apology and can be friends with them without it. However, I try hard to be honest with myself and only recontinue friendships if I really feel I am “holding” by it and I am ready to let go and I am not just pretending.